Life: A Seemingly Rudderless Ship

In Nigerian pidgin English, it is said: “This life no balance”

You know, in my moments alone, I think. For no reason sometimes and sometimes with no profit. I just think. I analyze things. Analyze everything. Dig around quite deep. Search from Wikipedia to YouTube documentaries and Academia articles. And I almost have never come to a conclusion as to a pattern things take. They just seem so random. Put it this way, the only predictable thing in life is life’s unpredictability. Say it again, life’s unpredictability is the only thing predictable.

Or so it seems.

Like a ship on the rough seas. A ship without any rudders is always going to be at the mercy of the waters. The truth is in this case, the waters is God.

How do you explain a trust fund kid working minimum wage and the dirt poor one becoming a millionaire. How does a Pastor’s son become a drug dealer and the daughter of a prostitute becoming a motivational speaker? How can an immigrants illegitimate son become a President and  a noble man’s son ending up in jail long term? How does the most faithful wife get treated so horribly but the two-timing girl seems to get the best in life? I have seen the bible say in Ecclesiastes 9 verse 11 “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.” Yet a motivational speaker makes a living telling people how to be strong in preparing for a battle and how to be fast in preparedness for a race? See the irony of it?

The illusion of any man telling another man he has mastered the sole way of life is a lie. A big lie. Not sure what pit the lie is from as I don’t plan to know much about hell but I know it is a lie. No one knows life in its entirety. The biggest truth anyone can show another man is how to get as close to God as possible and hope the ‘waters’ can then be favourable to his/her ship. Fellow sailors, ignoring the waters and focusing on controlling the ship is an exercise in futility  eventually even if it seems to make sense at first because true true ‘this life no just balance’.

Die to Live; Live to Die

“

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

”

But church people can lie sha? Mehn!

So you see Bro Micheal singing this song in church. Man is singing the song with raised hands and eyes closed. Brother Michael is even sprinkling some ‘skibanj shebang chennai mumbai’ tongues inside. Man is all sweating and all but when he opens his eyes and sees Bro John, you know the one that took the microphone from him that did not let him finish sharing his testimony one year ago, dimensions will change. Thing is ‘ordinary’ John that only started going to church 4 years ago had the temerity to cut short the testimony of an ‘important’ Christian like Bro Michael. A whole Brother Michael fa? He even called him Michael and did not but the ‘brah’ in front. The share guts of John.

Sighs.

The latter bit of 1 Cor 15:31 states very clearly “.. I die daily”. The ‘daily’ bit in the sentence brings it all together. It is not suddenly total neither is the process of surrendering immediately absolute. Yet, the ultimate goal is to be completely dead to self and take on all of God. Spirits don’t have bodies so have absolutely no need to have their bodies and souls serviced by food and pride respectively. While we have bodies, we have limitations unfortunately but seeking to be as close as possible to a position of forgoing all the trappings of the physical body is the aim. It will only be perfected in physical death or transfiguration of man but getting as close as possible to that state is the biggest single secret to walking with God (well, God or whatever other spirit you want to walk with).

The above song was obviously written by someone who must have got to the point of understanding the secret of giving everything over to God but the song is unfortunately sung by many people who have not. If telling a lie is bad, is singing a lie also as bad? That however is an aside.

Stepping out of yourself is hard. Awfully hard. At least initially it is. Keeping quiet when you have the answer is not the naturally human thing to do. Naturally speaking, no one was made that way. Yet I know it gets easier, hence the ‘daily’ bit. I have studied a bit and done a little bit of observation as well to know God disables before he enables. He breaks before he moulds. If every of man’s righteousness are like filthy rags, it could be safe to also assume all of man’s abilities that are outside God could also be seen by Him as inabilities. For instance, there is a level of ego that has been said that all great men possess. However, could it be safe to say that is a no no with God? If God is going to take it away like it does not exist, what is the point building up on it? Why not kuku die before He kills you? Why not humble yourself before He humbles or even in some cases humiliates you?

There could be men who would get away with having their way but there are some that will not. There are some that have been designed to only find succour in Him. If you are one of those, know that the only way to truly flourish in Him is to die to everything else and only have Him as your source. How much frustration will I have to face before I realize there must be an easier way? I insist man was created to fulfil a void within. In the popular Westlife song (yes, I am a big Westlife fan, sue me) ‘Flying without wings’, Shane Filan said “Everybody’s looking for that something.. that makes it all complete”. Not sure Shane should always be quoted as a reference while talking church stuff but that one line is apt. Very apt. The lie is to think the ‘something’ will fill the void. It WILL NOT. What fills the void is not something, it is SOMEONE. And I call that someone God. And yet, the only way to truly be happy in this walk with God is to take on as much of HIM as possible. Coming to God with credentials is more foolish than trying to impress a mermaid with how much water you have. And in reference to that analogy, if you think just because I am a Yoruba boy, I have good experience in trying to impress women/girls, I can neither deny nor confirm these allegations. **Silently pleads the blood of Jesus over my past life and does the sign of the cross**.  

The key to truly live in God is to die to everything else. The way to live is to die. And for every moment of living, dying should take place. We’ve go to die to live and live to die every day. The assignment: die to live and live to die.

PS.. Words like ‘sha’, ‘kuku’ and ‘fa’ are written by a Nigerian for the understanding of other Nigerians. Please speak to a Nigerian around you for further clarification. 😊

Bigger Stuff

Imagine a bubble. Now imagine placing the bubble in a pool of water. Okay? It is safe to say any object in the bubble is also in the pool of water right? But do you also know anything or any object in the bubble might ever know of the pool if it does not look out or is forced out of the bubble?

Welcome to humanity. Where everyone thinks all there is to life is what physically exists on earth. Only difference is you don’t have to peer out of the bubble, life itself forces you out at some point because the bubble WILL expire.

One of the favourite sayings of my Pastor is “The spiritual controls the physical”. And fortunately or unfortunately that could not be more true. There is more to life than what the naked eyes can see. There is more to love than what can be seen. I suppose love is probably the best example to use in this instance as it is quite relatable. Everyone knows there is more to love than the physical touch from person to person. While physical contact might be a mode of expression, the feelings generated inside would often be the biggest factors. The weird smile for no reason is not necessary generated by touch, it is generated by what is inside. It is hard to explain but you know it is there. It can not be expressed but whoever feels it knows for sure it is there. A force so strong yet cannot be seen or explained. I will make bold to say there is ‘something’ that controls love, even if that ‘something’ cannot be seen. The bible calls that ‘something’ God but then that is a different topic entirely.

Point is, there is spirituality and it is in control of everything. I repeat, EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, there is little or no cognisance paid to it. We live in a world where everyone seems to pretend hard work is the only prerequisite to success. Where admiration is the only thing required for a successful marriage or relationship. Where looking tough is the bedrock to garnering respect. Where saving money is all you must do to have a fat bank balance. Come on! Stop being childish. Why is the road side vulcanizer not a multimillionaire while some guy who visits a spiritualist and makes animal sacrifices suddenly a multi-property owner if hard work was all it took? Why would a good girl with a model figure get heartbroken but the ‘runs girl’ who consults multiple herbalists ‘happily’ married if admiration and good manners was all it took? – Happily in this case in quotation marks. If saving money was all it took, why would a stingy person who rations bread slices for his children seem to die broke but the guy who gives 100 dollars every week in church somehow seems to thrive financially?

Of course, human input is needed but the main driving force is most often spiritual. Point is human input and human actions are most often subject to spiritual forces.

Wake up people! There is bigger stuff at play. And proper balling requires you playing in this bigger realm. There is a whole lot more than meets the eye in every situation.  A horrible trick the rich foster on the poor is to blind them to seeing the whole truth. Making abnormal things look normal is an art perfected by the ruling class. Don’t get it twisted, there is a whole lot more at play in the universe than CNN and Twitter reports. Fortunately, man was created to have a spiritual awareness as a path to fulfilment and we can find the deepest answers within ourselves. Men call it religion. I, personally call it a ‘walk with God’.  There is a reason why religion is not going anywhere no matter the persecution and that is simply because it fills a void nothing else fills. Man recognizes there is something missing, unfortunately, the route taken to try to fill that void is filled with too many errors. Yet again, a different matter entirely.

Summary is, there is something bigger than what we see. Only a fool will focus all his/her attention on what is within the bubble when there is way more outside the bubble.

Be True to You

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Matthew 7:14 (KJV)

The above is a quote from the first book of the new testament in the bible (a book I am an avid believer of by the way). It was Jesus speaking, someone who knows more than a few things about acting right in my opinion.

A popular saying goes thus “majority carries the vote”. Yes, that is how democracy works but is that really how personal decisions should work? Is stuff just right cos everyone does it? Should something be the norm because most people think it is normal? Should you imbibe a habit because everyone around you has the same habit?

Not to get it twisted, I am one for pragmatism when it has no long term effects or tends to deceit. If you have to wear a blue pair of shoes that your work contract tells you to wear, by all means, go for it. However, should you wear a Nazi flag because your line manager suggests it even though it is against your belief system? Does it really make sense to eat pork at a work party even if it is against your religious beliefs? See, the thing is drifting from your original path or place of destiny assignment does not happen overnight, it is gradual. I will say that again more clearly, losing your identity and consequently yourself is a gradual process. A one-degree turn from a straight path does not look huge over 10 metres, the difference is clearer over 1000 metres. A little compromise here, a little compromise there, watch what becomes of you over a few years.

Again, do not be foolish or become a social outcast by being unnecessarily stubborn in folly or stupidity and blaming everyone else for always disagreeing with you but please stand your ground when you are under pressure to betray who you are. It should be said at this point that if you have to keep fighting everyone and every single thing in sight over your opinions and values, maybe it is time to call those values into question. After all, it is okay to have a different point of view as you mature. 

No one gets respected by being easily manipulated. You don’t have to be cantankerous or troublesome, but by all means, hold your ground – with a smile if you have to. If you are a vegetarian, stay off meat even at a barbeque meet (see the play of words 😊). If you like rap music, listen to rap music even around church folk. If you love to wear jeans, don’t wear a suit to please anyone (well, except your father-in-law especially before you get married).

Point is, without getting over sanctimonious, stay true to yourself. I am not the most experienced guy in this life thing but the little I know tells me true and genuine joy comes from within. See the pretty girl, the boss guy on the 7^th floor or the ever-serious-looking guy at church? Their validation might bring a bit of happiness but never really joy. What makes you smile for no reason and gives you the courage to face what this world throws at you is within you. Do not sell it for what the people who don’t even understand you have to offer. Oh, err.. about the joy-giving thing, having a Jeff Bezos kinda bank account balance would help as well but that’s a whole ‘nother sermon topic for another day.. 😊 Stay safe friends and stay true to yourself! It’s what really drives the enemies bonkers.

Confidence in Stupidity

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wise people so full of doubts.”

The above is a quote of Bertrand Russell, an English philosopher born in the 19^th century. And my oh my.. the aptness of it.

I have seen many celebrities and acclaimed world leaders spew out stuff on twitter and the first thing on my mind is ‘how’? I mean how did this person get to have this much influence. So much money, power, influence, followers and this is what your brain produces after putting in a good bit of effort? 

In our daily lives, we likely come across people who are just full of wisdom and light but we almost never see them on the bigger stage. They are almost never celebrated. So the question is why?

Not sure I’ve got an absolute answer but I think the confidence possessed by these pseudo-intellectuals on display has something to do with it. How I wish the smart ones were confident too. How I wish every stupid idea being conceived right now could be swallowed by the intelligence of a bright person if they would only show a bit on faith in themselves. How I wish I didn’t have to watch ‘celebrities’ clap for stupidity and folly among themselves and lead gullible youths into pits while the ones full of bright ideas speak and no one listens.

Many wishes I have and one of them is for a world where only the smartest and most honest people get to climb the ladders of success. A world where the stupid people have doubts that will lead to self development instead of bullying their way to the top of the queue as the world we live in lets them.

It is an unfortunate fact, stupid people are full of confidence and wise people are full of doubts. 

What Keeps me Going

The small voice in my head

The song only I can seem to hear

The flicker of light at the end of the tunnel

That’s what keeps me going

There are dark days and turbulent moments

There are days when all strength is drained

But the sweet assurance of tomorrow

That’s what keeps me going

Against odds and strong tides

Against expert opinion

The smell of nigh victory

That’s what keeps me going

The assurance of a gentle love

The confidence in His power

The definite plans of good He has for me

That’s what keeps me going

When the battles don’t relent

When fights lurk at every corner

The full knowledge that the war’s already won

That’s what keeps me going

At the end of it all

When I see the One I’ve served all along

When I join the saints up above

My going would have been worth it 

Going Through Changes

“

Everything was going right, the prime of my life
I was doing the best, I've ever done, I've ever did
Then I started going through "Changes"

”

Those are the opening lines to William Murphy’s Changes. I remember those words like yesterday and I get lumps in my throat. How apt they were. The world seemed to crumbling around me at what was and –please God- is no doubt the toughest period of my entire life. I had left college and had got a job almost immediately with a personal office. I looked forward to everything I could and wanted to be in life and then.. bang! The gun went off.

My point is it wasn’t a good time in my life. How could everything go so wrong all of a sudden? What was God doing? I was sure something was wrong, what I didn’t know was who was it wrong with or where was it wrong from?

So when my friend sent me the link to the song, boy did I get the message. Tess had taken every opportunity to tell me I needed to change some things about my personal life and the way I reasoned but hey, I was me. I knew what I was doing. I had it all figured out. I had an answer for every question. I attended church more than any one I had ever met. So I was very quick to shrug her off every time.

I look back now and what my life was is actually the only way God could have got my attention. I wasn’t going to stop or listen to anyone else anyway other way. For me to go through the changes I had to go through, I had to pass through what I went through.

How many times do we ignore the gentle voice that says ‘turn’? How many times do we silent the voice that says ‘change’? How many times do we insist on the power of our reason and our ‘tried and trusted’ paths rather than try the new? How many times do we play Peter and reject the uncleansed items to stay in our cozy Jerusalem and passed up on the opportunity to play Paul to go into Rome and Greece? Get the gist?

Open mindedness isn’t the most common virtues of ‘churchers’ and Christians I’ve ever seen. We know the schedule of services off by heart. We know what’s going to happen. Mehn, we even know the most anointed men of God and have preferences of who will lay hands on us (as if that’s even necessary). What if we need to change? What if the old ways are good ways but not the best ways?

Personally, I feel lucky I got God to force those changes on me but will everyone be so lucky? Why not yield so it won’t be forced on you?

.. I would have been right.

My name is Janet. I’m 36. I had my late son 15 years ago but lost him when he was 9. I’m not sure who his father is but I most likely conceived him on a drunken night out. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had looked forward to the night out with Aine and Tricia on a Friday night in 2012. Jake was meant to pick us up but we had to get a cab as he was running late. And was the night wild or what! I stopped taking note of what happened after about 1:15. I had had everything to drink. It must have been Pete who spiked my drink because I woke up in his friend’s bed the next day. It was a house shared by about five boys so they must have all taken their turns on me.

Needless to say, Sam broke up with me when he heard what happened. And Pa and Ma were not exactly there for me when they found out I was knocked up. I dropped out of school to take care of John, my baby. He was my life, my all. No guy would come near me with the intention of marriage as they knew all about my wild ways in the past. But looking at my little boy made me feel good about myself.

Then I lost him!

Now, I look back. No education! No job! No spouse! No child!  And even my family abandoned me. I wish I had listened to my mum when I was younger. I would not have been as outgoing and my life would have been way different. I wouldn’t have been popular, but it would have been right!

My name is Timothy. And this is my second year here, which leaves me with 12 years to go. I had been out with the boys. On a normal evening last year (2012). Of course my dad told me to stay indoors, but how was I going to listen to the old man who knew nothing. I wasn’t even leaving for anything bad. I was just going drinking with the boys. But then some black dude had rolled up to Sean and punched him in the face. He was way bigger than us but still, we had to fight back. Well, we did and he hence we took turns in getting our backsides whipped. But when I couldn’t take it anymore, I found a bottle lying on the floor. I smashed his head with it. Of course, I wasn’t trying to kill him. But then he didn’t move.

The rest is history!

I wished I had stayed home as Pa said. I would have offended my friends but I wouldn’t have ended up in jail. I wouldn’t have been popular, but it would have been right!

My name is Xhosa. I am a successful business executive. I have a 6 bedroom house here in Durban. And another one in Malibu. I have a beautiful wife and 2 lovely children. Jacob is in NYU and his sister will be getting into college next year. I am also lucky to have a  wife who is caring and loving. I am successful on all fronts.

But my world turned upside down when I ran into my high-school girlfriend last month. I met her when I was writing my Junior Secondary School exams in 2012.

Well, we never really lost touch, but she just moved to Durban. Now I’m having an extra-marital affair. I wish I hadn’t seen her... or no! I actually wish I had married her. I know. I know. We were different as could be. She seemed to have the special ability to get on my nerves. And many of my friends thought she was a b***h. But I’ve lost touch with them all now and after more than 35 years, she’s still stuck in my head. I wish I had flipped them all the bird and married this girl. They wouldn’t have supported me but I’ll really be a complete man today. I wouldn’t have been popular but I would have been right!

My name is Tayo. The doctors say I’m stuck in this wheel chair for the rest of my life. I wish I had just slowed down. Just slowed down. That’s all. I would have been 30 minutes late but the date would have gone ahead. I mean, she wasn’t gonna get mad for being thirty minutes late, would she? And even if she would, I would still be able to walk around on my own now. But no, I had to impress her. Well, I know I felt smart that I avoided the cops, but who’s laughing now? If I had slowed down, Tina would have been angry. Her friends might have hated me. I know I wouldn’t have been popular but I would have been right!

Siddy's Story

My name is Siddy.

I'm an eagle.

I was out of my nest a good while back at a relatively young age. Being out of the nest looked like a sensible thing to do at the time. It didn't take long for me to find out about the big bad world out there. I longed for the security and protection the nest offered but it wasn't a possibility to go back. I was facing death. The wolves. The hunters. The lions. It was bloody scary. I needed help from somewhere otherwise I was so sure I was facing up to my last days on earth. A miracle had to happen. And a miracle fortunately, did happen.

Shivering on the cold bare floor of the thick forest, I looked up and saw Zeke. I was vulnerable. Would have been well right to say my life was in his hands. He could have clubbed me to death. He could have sold me to a zoo or something. Zeke however was a nice man. He was a poultry farmer who looked like he had it in him to look after birds. Zeke took me home and I was his. He had adopted me. I danced around. I was delighted. If this God-sent man hadn't come, I wouldn't be here now. I couldn't even bear to think what could have happened. I could very well have been dead. Zeke, my saviour. He kept me in with the other birds in the poultry cages.

I didn't have to hunt. I had warmth when it was cold. I had everything brought to me. Life was easy. All the birds liked me. Zeke liked me. Who needed the guys back at my nest anyway. I had a new family here. These were my best friends. We were in synch. Our friendship would last forever. Well... that's what I thought anyway.

Recently however, things changed. Not sure exactly where Pimpi got the idea from that I was a weirdo. This guy had been my best friend all along. We had made fun of the other chickens together. First he said I was a different colour. Then he said my talons were too long. In no time all the other chickens joined in. They picked on everything about me. Boy, did it hurt. They said my beak was awkward looking. Day and night I couldn't eat. I was up at night wishing the guys would just take me back and I could get rid if these weird changes they had noticed in me. I wanted my friend back. I'd heard Zeke talk of prayers before and I decided to give it a go. I fasted and prayed. I hoped and kept faith. I was even extra nice. I just desperately wanted to be like everyone else.

Nothing changed however hard I tried. The changes in me only got worse. And the difference in us further widened.

I was sad. I was upset. I was dejected. All my efforts had been for nothing. Until yesterday though...

It was a normal day and Zeke had let us out in the field to run around. It was custom and we were all due back in our cages by 6pm. As usual, I was left by myself to roam alone. I so desperately wanted to run away. Seeing as I was alone I had no friends to keep me company so I noticed everything around me and thought in them. I looked up and saw a few hawks flying. "I wish I was like them" I thought. "Just so I can leave this place". One of them landed on a tree not too far from me and looked at me saying "What're you doing there? It's hunting season". "For what I replied". "For food, you dumbo".

"But I don't have to hunt. Zeke gives me all I want" I said a bit astonished he expected me to hunt. "What?" The hawk responded. "Who is Zeke?" "Well you hawks are wild but we chickens have owners" I said to the hawk in envy. 

"Chicken? You're an eagle..."

Then it clicked!

That why I'm different. The memories of my past came flooding back. I get it now. So I'm meant to be able to do and indeed be doing all those things I've heard Zeke say eagles can do. I'm meant to live in a mountain. I'm meant to be the king of all flying creatures. I'm meant to be a symbol of strength and courage. I'm meant to have my picture taken and have countries use it as national symbols. If I were to ever get caught by humans, they're meant to put me somewhere and have other humans pay to come see me. I should feed on meat and not corn. Damn it, these other chickens are even meant to be scared of me. Wasted bloody years in this cage!

Well.. My walk was different. I finally got it. Pimpi and his friends (not my friends anymore) still laughed at me but it made no difference. I didn't care. I couldn't get bullied anymore. I was quick to put them in their place. I could strut my stuff proudly now. I spread my wings and they got the message. My wingspan was thrice theirs. I was different and I was happy I was. I was proud to be different. It was a good difference after all and their ignorance and majority had made me believe I was less than what I was.

But herein lies my dilemma. What happens to Zeke? My loyal friend. Will he get it? Will he call me ungrateful? Will he know I'm simply being me by flying away? Will Zeke understand?

Whatever it is. I'll leave this place and fly far away to a mountain where I'll live and call home.

I'm going back home.

I wish I could

I wish I could tell

Tell the world of the God I serve

The one who took me out of darkness

And brought me into light

I wish I could show

Show the lost the way I’ve found

Tell them the narrow way leads to life

Show them the folly in their ways

I wish I could tell

Tell the Sons of God of their dominion

Tell the children of light that darkness has no power over them

So they’ll rejoice in their savior

I wish I could be

Be the showcase of His glory

Be the shining light for His kingdom

So they’ll see the life God can give

I wish I could tell

Tell Christians the value of their faith

The mountains that could move

If they would only realize

I wish I could show

Show Christians the fullness of life they pass up on

The needless pain we bear

When they take their eyes off the saviour

I wish I could tell

Tell of the victory of the word over sin

So we no longer have a continuous struggle with sin

The struggle many lose on a daily basis

I wish I could see

See the glory above

The glory for which I signed up with this army

The glory I will one day see to leave no more

“Excuses are for failures..”

“Excuses are for failures..”

That’s one of my Pastor’s quotes that follows me everywhere I go. It sounded extreme hearing it for the first time but after thinking about it, I totally got it. 

See, there are levels that define living. There is a stratification policy, unsaid as it may be, that governs our existence. There are successes. There are failures. There are in-betweens. Most people do fall into the last category but the thing is, to successes everyone in the other two classes are failures.

Successful people think differently in just about every strata of life. The way they talk. Who they talk to. Where they go. How they act. Their view is different. Call it a view from the top if you want. There are many attributes they have but the focus here is what I call the ‘Get It done’ attitude. (Cue Harvey Specter from the TV series ‘Suits’)

The bible quotes a failure in Proverbs 22:13 “..There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets.” See, the thing is when excuses affect them only, fair enough, but when it affects an upward-bound mind, I cringe. Why not just fail alone? Why drag people with you? “Tim, are we still meeting to talk the proposal over” “No Jide, sorry but bla bla”.

In your work, marriage, family-life, relationship with God and all, just drop the excuses if you really want to get stuff done. Nike have a brilliant logo that says ‘Just do it’. Just get it done. Whatever it is. Go through walls. Break down barriers. Keep a straight face. Clear your mind. Focus. Whatever it takes. Get it done or change your mind if you think it’s for the better but if you have to do it, do it! Fly, run, walk, crawl, roll, wheel yourself if you gotta. Just keep moving.

Slow progress is worse than fast progress but it is progress. Standing still however isn’t progress. It’s called stagnancy.

Over time, I have heard everything about how rich people are selfish. About how rich people suddenly become proud when they make money. I’ve heard about how “Joe Bloggs” just became a douche-soul when he got the promotion. Now I get it. There are always excuses to be given and if you want to be successful, you don’t want any part of it. How can I handle the reason for failing at something being someone on my team?

In conclusion, hate excuses, stop making them, they really aren’t for successful minds. And if you have to deal with someone who makes excuses, change your team mate.

Bouncebackability

Not sure who invented the phrase ‘down and out’ but I can totally imagine what it means. I get it, I really do. That feeling that all is lost. The empty feeling of internal vacuum. Yes, the wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. The feeling of seeing the world go on around you and you’re just not invited to the party.

Being Nigerian (a fiercely proud one at that), there’s a term called ‘Lagos money’. ‘Owo Eko’ in local parlance refers to living the Lagos high life. Mooring your boat at an exclusive club close to Ozumba Mbaniwe in Victoria Island, having a pool party on top of a roof in Lekki or watching your friend participate in charity golf tourney in Ikeja. It’s one thing not to have Lagos Money but I tell you, what you don’t want is to be stuck in Ilesha at the back of a local forex shop with the ever present risk of Armed Robbers or transporting farm produce in Birin-Kebbi for 1770 naira per day while you watch others do the Lagos thing. That sucks, trust me! And can those silly Lagos boys rub it in or what? Awon omo wobe!

Anyway, my point is this; the valley experience doesn’t feel brilliant in anyway. I’ve been to churches over and over and heard people talk about the beauty of adversity. “It builds your spiritual muscles”, “It helps you discover yourself”, “God gives his biggest battles to his toughest generals” bla bla. Leave me alone abeg, if that’s the deal, leave me as a colonel! Ok, I’ll admit there’re lessons to be learnt but my point is there is no pleasant feeling in the experience at all.

Brings me to the point of this piece, you can bounce back! Bouncebackability is a word coined by Ian Dowie, the then Crystal Palace manager. Referring to getting back to winning ways after his team had gone through a tough spell. There could be a thousand ways to go about bouncing back and I don’t think I know all but one I know is resilience. Keeping your eye on the goal. Jesus did it when He was going to get killed and so should you when life wraps them sharp flesh tearing whips around you with venom. Don’t give up though it’s the easiest thing to do. Very easy to do actually.

A brilliant example in resilience is getting married. I don’t have a miniature clue what the premarital era is like from a chic’s point of view neither do I give a toss actually. However, from a guy’s point, it’s being crazy about this girl who can do and get away with anything because you want to marry her. Do you tell her the food has 28 and half kilos of ground-pepper, heck no! Do you tell her she needs glasses when she steps on your toes with her igunnu-masquerade-like heeled-shoes, of course you don’t. What do you do, you smile and say “It’s ok sunshine” even though the pepper is doing a Usain Bolt across your brain compartments and your leg is hurting like mad. Why do you smile? Because you want to marry her. Get it? You play Jesus when He ‘for the joy set before Him’ endured the hardship. You go through it all for what you want.

What you want is what you want. Keep at it till you get it. Or you die. Whichever comes first but giving up is not an option.

If that Lagos girl went from selling bread to Lagos money, I’m pretty sure you can do it from whatever dead end job you’re on. Despite the horrible cousin-of-Satan boss or work colleague. Keep going. Use whatever tools you have.

Oh, and talking about tools, there’s one I use. I call Him God. That, however is another story altogether. The gist for now is keep going. Don’t stop till you get there. Access your inner Bouncebackability.

Don’t Preach to Me

“When you are older, you’ll understand”

There will be very few Africans that haven’t heard the above line before. Or maybe I should say Africans below the age of 30. In church its “When you get to my level…”.

Well.. here I am. An African church boy under 30. And yea.. you guessed right. It’s not fun to be me in this unsolicited-advice game. If I got a cent for every piece of advice I’ve been given, I’ll cruise around the Pacific on my personal yacht and have a couple of Malibu apartments of my own. While the good concern can be a good thing, the overbearing feeling can’t be overlooked.

Quick question, if your advice is so good, why must you force it down my throat? At least it will be my own loss not yours. Why aren’t you as enthusiastic to give the same advice to your children? Why’s the fruit of your advice not working in your own life? Not like you love me that much to want what’s best for me by force or do you? Truth is the advice in most cases is wack! And these Ahitophels know it. It disagrees with both the bible and any form of excellence culture.

A friend of mine was telling how her pregnancy was hitch free. Now, she had prayed to have a stress free pregnancy and fortunately for her, she had a safe delivery. That’s a good thing right? And it’s brilliant news, no? Not exactly for the unapproved self-appointed Sanhedrin. She told me how they had gathered and told her that her next pregnancy would be hectic and how they were talking from experience and she better prepare for it. “Mine was horrible. You’ll understand when you get to my age” they had said to her.

Na by force? “Marriage is a war”. “Life is hard”. “No one achieves 100% of their dreams”. “Going on holidays is just a waste of money, buy and store food at home instead”. “Don’t drive fancy cars just because you can afford them”. Must you pass on your nuggets of ‘wisdom’ (or nuggets of mediocrity in this case)? Everyone who has half a brain knows experience is golden in life and elders must be respected for what they’ve been through and come from but this culture of forcing down your opinion to compensate for a life of failures isn’t helping to close the generational divide. Then again, even if experience is golden, isn’t that people who have gathered and properly maneuvered good experience? Experience is not golden if you haven’t learnt good values from it. It’s not even silver or bronze, its saw dust! These puke-inducing unwanted shrink sessions cause more harm than good but I’ll be surprised if it stops as many of ‘these people’ I’ve seen see them as the only way to feel relevant. My life isn’t a dumping ground for your try-and-catch experimental ideas.

Here’s the deal. If you are in my shoes, don’t become disrespectful – though they deserve it. And for those who have burnt bridges because they couldn’t take the mental torture anymore, don’t throw out the baby with the bath water, rebuild the bridges. Let’s just get older and not make the same mistakes 'these ones' made. Oh… and one more thing, don’t let the lectures get to you.. shake them off! 

Why does He care so?

He cares

Why does He always come for me?

Like a whoring wife

I've gone astray

Yet He always comes for me

I've made more wrong calls for two lifetimes

My misdeeds are innumerable

I've mis-painted over my white canvas again and again

Yet He always whites my slate clean

Who do I have that He cares about

What do I possess that He wants

Knowing all I have He gave

And all I give, He already has

Why does He hold my hands?

When I've soiled them in dirt

Why does He hug me so tight?

When I've dipped in the mud

Why does He love me?

A sinner and filthy wretch

Why does He care so much for me?

Like even I can't care about myself

Love the elements can diminish

Affection that won't ever run out

An ocean-deep care

Mercy and beauty bestowed on an unworthy being

Many mysteries and secrets will be unravelled

But even after the heavens cease to exist

I never will fully know

Why exactly He cares so much

Your Personality comes out

“O-pin the flad-gates” Sonnie Badu sang “..in aban-dance..” He continued. Being from where I’m from I didn’t need him to sing the Ghanaian National Anthem to know he was from Ghana though he was singing in a Nigerian language. I’ve also seen a few people claim in church they serve the ‘I ham that I ham’ and know they are very likely from the Western part of Nigeria though I wasn’t told. Get it? Your personality shines through. Faking it is useless.

The bible says:

“…and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.”

Acts 4:13

What you have inside or what comes to you naturally cannot be hidden permanently. If you are good, people will notice. If you are not good, people will notice. If you are evil, it will show. If you are humble, it will be obvious. Time and again, you come across a person who complains about the way he or she is being treated though they put their best foot forward when dealing with people around them and it doesn’t take long to find out people actually treat them based on what their real personalities are. Rather than work on changing their personality and becoming better people, human beings think it’s easier to put on acts. You can pretend on a date. You might pull off pretence in an interview. In daily interactions however, you can’t fool human beings. If humans are a reflection of God, then we are spiritual beings with a bit of discernment as part of our make-up. We eventually see through each other.

Why go to church and try to fit in when you clearly know you don’t fit in? Do you know how ridiculous a 50-year-old African woman looks trying to blend in with a group of teenage African-American girls? Be yourself. If your self is not good enough, work on a better you.

Word of advice, pray to God to fix you and whatever is wrong with you. Quit the acting dear. You’re making a fool of yourself and most importantly you are making yourself very uncomfortable with no reward in sight. You’ll be surprised at how easier things will be from there. 

Marriage: Still a sane institution?

There seems to be, in many cases a preconceived idea of what a successful life is meant to be. In crèche as a toddler. Secondary school as a teenager. College in the early twenties. Recently married in mid-thirties. On and on it goes. While the cast is not bad, should being moulded by a different cast always be categorized as failure?

In a sane environment, by far, the most important call anyone has to make is if to get married and then to who. The emphasis in that statement however is the word sane. How sane is the world we live in now? A good percentage of marriages are still carried out in a church or at least have a Christian marriage but how many people actually understand and follow the code of ethics by which they are going into this? A woman so morally depraved that she’s actually famous for sex tapes goes to a church to get married and walks out of the marriage at will only to go again and still have a ‘sacred’ church union in the presence of ‘God and man’. Seriously? Come on, for the sake of Rapunzel’s long hair, which God are you talking about? It’s ok to get married in His presence but not keep Him in the Home? It’s OK to declare your love in His house but then not follow His laid down regulations for how the union should work? Where is the sacredness in marriage gone?

For Better or For Worse

Do people actually know it’s more noble to stay single than make a mockery of the marital process? It’s economically stupid. I once met a guy who lost half a million euro to a divorce case (and his wife is not burning in hell - unfair). It’s emotionally draining. The heartbreak is horrible. It can be physically demanding in case of domestic abuse victims. Why would anyone put himself or herself through all these and dare I say maybe even incur God’s wrath (yeah, the same one you married in His presence) in the process when they could have just kept to themselves.

Marriage is an amazingly beautiful thing if it is right. However this continual defying of the institution does no one any good except divorce lawyers. Any, I repeat any situation where only the lawyers and the lawyers alone come out smiling is not where anyone of us wants to be (No offense to lawyers).

Young People, Tomorrow Matters.

Growing up, we spoke only Yoruba (our Nigerian language) at home. If Daddy or Mummy ever spoke English to you, you knew you were in trouble. Usually big trouble. Sometimes it wasn't trouble but it was always something serious. "Can you do me a favour" Mum would say. And you just knew she was going to ask you to clean out all the neighbour's cobwebs or go hunting for a Lions head in the bush. For casual stuff, it was the usual "Jide, bo si bi" (Jide come here).

One of such occasions which I still clearly remember was my Mum quoting an entire Chinua Achebe saying to me. I remember where I was and that she was sitting towards my left. It was on one of the many times those teachers had reported me that I wasn't pulling weight enough in school (they were lying by the way, those spawn-of-satan teachers). "Jide" she started "Enjoyment can wait, do not be in a hurry to get yourself into the pleasures of this life like the young antelope who dances itself lame when the main dance is yet to start". I, like every teenager on this side of eternity always ignored them long be-a-good-boy speeches but I did not forget that one. It stayed with me and even now, around 15 years later, I still remember clearly.

Young folks these days sometimes look to me like they are on a secret competition of who comes up with the dumbest thing to do. It feels like we're locked in a wait for award for the ultimate teenage idiot to be given out by lucifer himself when you consider what these guys are up to. Naked selfies. Planking on highways. Beer ping-pong. Truth or dare. And other jack-ass type stunts. Someone even came up with YOLO and the thing caught on like it's some revolutionary idea. And it gets you thinking "Did you think we had two lives?" It’s a question of time before I think someone will come up with the kiss-the-Lion challenge or the arm-wrestle-a-polar-bear challenge.

There is a lot of living to do folks. A whole lot. A big whole lot. For every young person out there, except you die prematurely which we all pray and/or hope against, you have more ahead of you than what you've lived so far.

Calm down. Pray. Follow God. And use your brain a lot. Forgive yourself of your misdeeds. Tomorrow exists and it's way more important than you think. Prepare for it today or it would bring more pain than you bargained for.

Why fill yourself up on the appetizer when the main course and dessert are still yet to be served?

If it’s my last day on earth..

If it’s my last day on earth

What would I have left behind

A trail of broken hearts

Or a mass of lifted spirits

If it’s my last day on earth

Would my loved ones know I cared

Would all my love for them have been expressed

Would they be filled with warm memoires of me

If it’s my last day on earth

What would my legacy be

What would I be remembered for

What would come to mind when I’m thought of

If it’s my last day on earth

Would I have taken all opportunities that came my way

Would I have a lot to do ‘tomorrow’

A tomorrow that is now never to come

If it’s my last day on earth

Would I evoke tears of joy or sorrow

Would I have pleased the wrong people

And hurt those who truly mattered

If it’s my last day on earth

Would I still have any sorry to say

Would I be at peace with great and small

Would I have any beef to explain on the other side

If it’s my last day on earth

And I step across to eternity

Would I go right or left

Where would I call my eternal home?

If it’s my last day on earth

I very much doubt I’d have seen it coming

But would I have stayed prepared

For my most important journey of all?

Philip Efiong: The forgotten hero of the Biafran war?

The Nigerian civil war is by far the greatest tragedy in terms of loss to civilian lives over such a short period of time to have befallen the Nigerian state. I wasn’t born back then so all I have to go on are written accounts and words of those who were alive back then to unravel exactly what happened. Whatever the case is, many people lost their lives (needlessly might I add) and that has to be condemned in the strongest possible terms. It doesn’t matter where they were from, North, South, East or West. Makes no difference if they were black, white or pink. People died needlessly, and that is wrong. It will take something sub-human to justify it.

Philip Efiong and the Biafran flag

It is easy as a follower of history to just take in the numbers and statistics.  What is however needful is to put yourself in the shoes of the poor people who had to go through these evil as part of their lives. Who did they offend to have to starve? Who did the women offend to have to lose their husbands and sons who go off to the front lines? Where did the young men err that had to witness their wives get raped by opposing soldiers? What wrong has the young boy who just lost his playmates done?

Much has been said of what caused the war and who the villains were. Even more unfortunate is the seeming need Nigerians look to have cultivated of blindly towing the tribal lines. Seriously? Correct me if I’m wrong, didn’t the war get to Ore in Ondo state and claim Yoruba lives and weren’t there any Hausa casualties from the Nigerian Army’s side? Who cares if the guy who killed and raped innocent people is from my village? He should be condemned and brought to justice, simple! How petty have we become to idolize someone who caused pain needlessly on people just because he is a fellow tribesman?

Children went through untold suffering during the war

As far as I’m concerned (and I definitely stand corrected), the war was more about justifying a man’s earlier mistake who was too proud to concede he was wrong. I mean why secede as a state when you don’t have the means to maintain your sovereignty. Even if it turned out the secession made sense, how about the war continuing when it increasingly looked like nothing more than a suicide mission? And to cap it all up, if you were so brave, why did you run away at the end of it all sitting on the floor of a cargo plane? Why cause the death and destruction of so many lives and property and then scamper and flee when it was all over? I don’t want to come across as if I’m bent on attacking anyone but if that’s not cowardly, I’m not sure what is. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what the then Nigerian head of state called him.

It was obvious anyone who puts an end to this massacre is a hero. Right? Step forward Major General Philip Efiong. A general from what you can call a minority. He was left to make the concession after the main belligerent had run away. It might have been the obvious decision but so it had been for a long time, yet the chief belligerent himself had been too proud to admit it.

I came across a post somewhere on the internet of someone calling him a coward. How is he a coward? He soldiered on like the soldier he was when taking orders from his boss and did the needful when he had the authority to. Was he supposed to ‘fight till the last man’ and at the end of it still have the Nigerian forces occupy their land anyway? I heard his son in a speech at the National University of Ireland recount his account of the war and it only showed the toll the war took on Efiong’s family, property and self. In his own words:

"I have no regrets whatsoever of my involvement in Biafra or the role I played. The war deprived me of my property, dignity, my name. Yet, I saved so many souls on both sides and by this, I mean Biafra and Nigeria. I’m denied everything; No gratuity no pension. Nothing. I felt that I played a role which has kept this country united till today. I never shot anybody, all I did was as a military personnel and officer, I trained soldiers who went to the bush to fight. At the end of it all when I saw they (Biafran soldiers) could no longer continue and Ojukwu had fled, I did what was ideal after wide consultation that today Ojukwu is a hero in this country. I’m not envious but why am I being persecuted by country I played a significant role in is unity".

Efiong died in 2003. I don’t know how much he had in his account or how many houses but I’m pretty sure he died with a clean conscience not for his role in being a part of the war but his role in ending it. He saved many lives predominantly Igbo lives. And may I also remind everyone he wasn’t Igbo. In my opinion, Philip Efiong found himself somewhere and simply did was he thought was the right and obvious thing to do and he should be celebrated for that.

Libya: Better or worse?

I saw in the news recently about the Libyan Prime Minister being kidnapped. The leader of the country was abducted by gunmen inside his official residence in the country. I only repeated that to hammer in the absurdity of the situation. He was at his residence in the luxurious Corinthia in Tripoli, the country’s capital when a group of gunmen went in and seized him to take him to an unknown destination. They said they held him on corruption charges. They decided he was corrupt, they decided to abduct him, and they did!

I know the western world has always seen African countries and some Middle Eastern, Asian and South American countries as inferior but please understand that Libya is a stand-alone country, self-governing and with citizens who have fundamental human rights to live, let live and have some form of happiness. No matter how puny Libya is thought of, it should be safe to say or assume that it’s a country like other countries. Can you imagine Obama being abducted from the white house, Enda Kenny from Steward’s Lodge, Goodluck Jonathan from Aso-Rock villa, David Cameron from number 10 Downing Street, I could go on and on and I would be very surprised if the answer to all these is yes. My question then is, now that it has happened, doesn’t the level of security in a country that has been ‘liberated’ frighten anyone or everyone as a matter of fact. Yea, the point can be raised that Libya is thousands of miles away but can’t we all take a minute to consider how Libya got to where it is? Is what happened to them really that far-fetched that it can’t happen to anyone?

PM Zeidan: Abducted in his own country.

Libya was a country that had a semblance of normalcy in its infrastructures. Emphasis on the words ‘semblance’ and ‘infrastructures’ because the place was governed by a dictator. Like I’ve said before, I’ve lived in a country under military dictatorship before and it’s in no way pleasant. Dictatorship being bad however, is it worth getting rid of the entire country to rid it of dictatorship when the alternative is worse? Yes, the prime minister is now friendly enough to grant Christiane Amanpour an interview but a whole lot more unsafe than when Gaddafi was there. In place of Gaddafi’s single army of terror, there are now many militias who terrorise the citizenry of the country. How much cajones must you possess to go and take the country’s leader and carry out a smooth operation? Now, imagine the country having may more groups like that jostling for power? How can that be a good thing? Dear international community, is this the freedom you promised to the Libyan people?